Want versus Need: Hindsight is 20/20

Ok, so some of you probably know that I am a planner, and when I get into “plan mode” I become obsessed and obnoxious (just ask Luke!). I want the details to be efficient, effective and expedient…whether it’s planning a trip home (my current project), our bedtime routine with Eli, or how to systematically wash dishes and load the dishwasher! I promise I’m not like this with everything! Obviously, some of my “plans” are far more important than others (i.e. finding a job vs. sorting and folding the laundry). All of that to say, sometimes these plans (aka, what I want) don’t always come together the way I expect them to.

Did I want to move to PA? No! In fact, the day Luke paged me at work to tell me he matched in York, Pennsylvania, I cried so hard that they sent me home at lunch! Seriously. That wasn’t in the plans…it wasn’t what I wanted! But, I quickly got over it by telling myself, “It’s just for a year!” Funny enough, that following January we found out we’d be staying for 3 more! Luke matched at Hershey, and I cried again! I didn’t want to be so far from home, from family, from friends, from my mother who was so sick at the time. We wanted to start a family, but we would be so far away from home! I didn’t understand why my plans and my prayers weren’t working out! It’s not what I WANTED, but now I know that it’s what we NEEDED.

You’ve probably all heard the lyrics, “…some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” My dad calls it “the gospel according to Garth.” Ha! But, it’s true, the Lord knows our wants, but gives us what we need. Although we weren’t where we “wanted” to be, the Lord blessed us with what we needed at the time. He knew that I needed a flexible job that allowed me to be home with Mom. He knew that we would need a loving, supportive church family and amazing group of friends when she passed away. We wanted to be pregnant, but perhaps He knew we needed to struggle with infertility in order to open our hearts and minds to the idea of adoption.

All in all, I can look at the last 3 years and get a glimpse of God’s wisdom versus my “plans”. In all the things I didn’t want, He has blessed us immensely. Perhaps He is teaching me (and I am finally learning) to “lean not on my own understanding” and trust Him.

“Praise the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desire with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” (Psalm 103:2-5)

Here are some of those unexpected gifts and blessings…

Trying out the Bumbo...I don't think we're quite ready! But, getting there!

Eli loves the mobiles over his crib...yes, we have two! My brother found Luke's old mobile somewhere in the attic and brought it to us!

Easter brunch with our great friends in Hershey! This is his special easter bib sent all the way from Decatur, AL thanks to Miss Sandra!

Smiles for Aunt Amanda!